Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Happy 6th Birthday Sydney & Savannah

Today is my girls 6th birthday! I have been a bundle of emotions all day and I am not even sure why. It's been one of those days where I can't quite catch my breath and it wasn't just because I had 10 million things that needed to be done and only time for about 7.

I've been thinking so much today about how fast time goes by. And I truly believe that for mothers of twins the time just goes by twice as fast. I mean I can remember back when they were babies and thinking "Jeez, are they ever going to walk?", but on the other hand I feel almost cheated because I feel like I never got to have those sentimental "mom" moments because there was just too much to do. You know the moments I mean, where you're supposed to gaze adoringly at your baby who is sleeping contentedly on your chest while you gently rock them in the nursery. Let me tell you, if I ever had a baby contentedly sleeping on my chest there was another one on the other side and that would mean I was sleeping too because I was EXHAUSTED! More often though it was more like me holding a baby in one arm and trying to get them to eat with the other hand, which left my foot free to be bouncing the other baby in the bouncy seat to keep them happy until it was their turn. And heaven help us if my foot got a cramp because then we'd all three be crying.

I know every mom says the time went so fast and maybe every mom feels like they never had time to truly enjoy those moments because they were too tired and too busy. It's hard to say if I just think it was harder or if it really was because I don't know any different so . . . c'est la vie.

So that is part of the emotional issues today. But why this birthday and not last year or the year before I have no idea. Maybe it is also a little guilt because I am starting to have my own life again. I can read a book! I don't feel like all I do anymore is make food and feed kids and clean up food all day! It's quite a change from the last 6 years of my life.

But in a good way.

Yet it still makes me a little melancholy because that time as past and can never be gotten back.

See, I'm just a big ball of conflicting emotions. I'm sad about the past being the past but I don't want it back. I guess that is just all part of being a mom.

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